Finding your spouses Love language will benefit you both! :D

Take this quiz... both of you should do it! Just in time for Valentine's Day so you can give your spouse the type of Love they need! http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

the devil will attack your marriage.

The devil does not want your marriage to succeed. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. Don't let him! 

My husband and I have recently set goals to help us fulfill God's plan for us and we also decided to lead a connect group (Bible study) for married couples in our home. It was almost instantly after announcing that to the group members that we started having this tension between us. It came from out of nowhere... or so we thought. One night it hit me that of course the devil would attack our relationship now because we have decided to lead this marrieds connect group. He does not our marriage to succeed and he DEF does not want a group dedicated to growing healthy and Godly marriages to succeed. So know that we are aware... we can rebuke the devil and choose to serve each other and Love each other as God Loves us... which we should always do anyways! ;) 

So when you take on new things that will help grow the Kingdom... the devil will attack your marriage. 

My husband and I have decided to trust God with our finances. We have decided to not go into more debt. We believe that how we handle the first and the best is how God will handle the rest. If we give God the first of our "harvest"... He will bless the rest of it! It is all His to begin with anyhow! God has been faithful in this process and blessed us beyond measure. I really mean that! If you have never trusted God with your tithe on a regular basis... step out in faith and watch how He blesses your life beyond explanation!  But of course... when we do this...the devil will attack your marriage. It seems the devil has made money the issue for us lately. And we have realized that we need to make God the issue. We know that He will provide for us. We know that it is nothing we do that earns His blessings. The devil has preoccupied our minds with our financial goals. Now...our goals are Godly and will help us fulfill Gods calling on our lives BUT our FOCUS has been off and the devil was successful in misdirecting our energy in that area. It is a daily choice to wake up and trust God financially... but we choose to do it.

So when you decide to trust God in the area of finances... the devil will attack your marriage. 

These are the 2 areas I know we have learned a lot in the last few weeks. Have you ever noticed the devil attacking your marriage? What can we do to protect ourselves from his attacks? 

Pray for your spouse. Pray together. 

Choose to be better!

- Stacy Hudson

About Mrs. Scherer

John and Dani Scherer - Catalina Island Nov 2012

I'm so excited to start blogging with Better Than Newlyweds! I thought it would be a good idea to start my first blog with an introduction. So here goes...

Hi, my name is Danielle Scherer. Everyone calls me Dani. First and foremost, I am a follower of Jesus! Second, I am a wife. I have been married to my wonderful and amazing husband, John, for 25 years! Yep, 25 years... most would say we're not considered newlyweds anymore, but we beg to differ. Everyday is a new day. Every day we make a choice to love each other. I love him more today than ever!  I'm a mother of three beautiful, healthy children -- Aaron (22), Angel (21), and James (19). I love my kids very much and am so proud of the amazing, young adults they've grown up to become.  I also have furry kids :).  Zoe (a 6 yr old German shorted-hair pointer / dobbie mix), Simon (a 9 mos old Shitzu puppy), Arieh (an 8 yr old Bengal cat), and a gecko who will out live us all.  If we weren't currently renting, we'd probably have a dozen more rescues, but four is enough for now.  hahaha

2012 Scherer Family Christmas Picture

My "motto" - for lack of a better word - is "Choose to Love". I'm very passionate about helping those who are hurting and broken. There is hope! We've experienced a lot of trials and tribulations, but through them all God has made us stronger, deepened our faith, and we've grown closer together. My passions include building up healthy marriages, making families whole through [older kids] adoption, church plants, financial peace, animal rescue, the elderly, weight-loss management, and business start-ups. As I'm sure you'll hear a lot more about my family, I promise to share more about my passions as time goes on.

I love keeping busy and don't seem to have any problem finding things to do.  We've just joined a new church plant in San Diego.  We're really excited about what God has planned for us in this area. My "day job" is a marketing manager for a large computer software company. I love what I do, but it's not who I am. It doesn't define me. I am also going to college part-time. I've been working on my bachelors degree since 1986... yes, that's right - 27 years!  I'll get there some day.  I'm so close, but my degree programs through the school I was attending keep expiring, so I end up starting all over.  Time to look at other, more credible school options...

That's me in a nutshell.  I look forward to sharing more as time goes on. I hope through my experiences - good and bad, that I can provide hope to others. Maybe some lessons learned, so you don't have to repeat some of the same mistakes :)  Most of all, I hope that I can provide you support, encouragement, and biblically-based principles to strengthen your marriage and help you to fulfill all that God has planned for your relationship.

Choose to Love,

Mrs. Scherer (Dani)

DREAMS!!!

DREAMS

DREAMS, WHO DOESN'’T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THEM RIGHT? WHY IS IT THAT THEY CAN BE THE BIGGEST SOURCE OF JOY IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND AT THE VERY SAME TIME, A POINT OF CONTENTION AND CONFLICT TOO? FUNNY, HOW SOMETHING SO WONDERFUL CAN BE SO HARD TO AGREE ON.

Well before you met that wonderful man or woman you are married to they were a dream too weren’t they? In your heart of hearts you fully expected to meet and marry someone who had the exact same life plan and wishes as you, right? Wrong! You knew deep down that they would have dreams that differ from you, after all you are not going to marry yourself, how boring would that be? LOL!!! Still we imagine that in a perfect marriage we both get all our wishes met and never get in the way of the others ambitions or hopes. Is this even the way God intended a goldly marriage to be? I am writing this because I don’t think he did! Now before we go on I need to say, there is a big difference between dreams and calling. Our calling is given to us from God and that is another subject entirely. Sometimes we need God’s help to distinguish between our dreams and our callings.

So what happens when that prince or princess of yours suddenly has a dream that interferes with your plan? Well, in typical marriages, a war ensues. Both begin to push for their own view of what is important and in the end many either just get bitter or decide to go their own way and the marriage is over.
I think we have many scriptures to help us discover Gods view on the subject.
He said, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” Luke 6:31, right? He also said love your neighbor as you love yourself, Matthew 22:36-40. I don’t know about you but I love my baby much more than my neighbor! So, why can it hurt so much when he wants something that hinders my wants and dreams? It hurts because, I am selfish in my nature and I need God’s help to be like Him and choose others above myself. If I am fighting for my husband’s dreams and he is fighting for my dreams, we are both going to end up being happier in the end. When we do it God’s way, we do not become bitter and angry and apart. We are pulled together by our selflessness and ambition for each other, not apart by our inner drive to have what we want when we want it! It is so much easier said than done friends! I am fighting to learn this in my marriage right now. After eight years of marriage, we have learned a lot about our similarities and differences. Sometimes what he wants doesn’t mesh with what I have planned or am hoping for. There have been times when I really messed it up. I fought hard for what I wanted, and usually got it. I got it at the cost of him feeling plowed over and disrespected and it came back to bite me later. On the other hand, in those times when I put my wishes on the back burner and chose what he needed, God blessed that and made sure I had what I needed too. Also more often than not, my man was so much more willing to fight for what he knew I wanted and I usually ended up with better things when I chose him. When he chooses me and I choose him, not only are we more likely to get what we want, we are drawn together and closer to God.

The thing that usually really distinguishes newlyweds and married folks is the newlyweds can only think about how to make their spouse smile and give them what they want and need. Why does it change? One of us starts it and the other follows suit. We convince ourselves that worldly ideals are true. We say things like, “if I don’t fight for my dreams, no one will!” That may feel true but a marriage that stays “Better than newlyweds” is one where his needs stay in priority and you live, to love, to please him! Let us be the one that chooses to put our spouse above our wants. God will fight for us when we live the way he asks us to. 1 Corinthians 13:4-9 (NIV) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” The Lord tells us that love is “not self seeking” so I think that answers our question.
So shall we make it practical? Let’s say you have a budget…. Ahh money! One of the things that really stretches us in life. So we have an extra fifty bucks in the budget for whatever. He wants to take a martial arts class and you want to take Zumba…. What do you do? I would love to hear your comments. Let’s hear your experiences on this topic and start a conversation. Thanks for reading . I pray that God gives you the desires of your heart and helps you to love your spouse better and more selflessly than ever before.

Love Celeste

God Tips

As women we crave the approval and pleasure of our authorities. When we are little we need that from our Daddy especially. Many never receive the affirmation and words they need from that Father figure in their lives. Without fail they will seek it out from somewhere else. Even non-Christian psychologists and counselors have found a link between affirmation from our father figure and self esteem in future relationships.
I am one of the many that has a touch/words of affirmation love language. Like many, I married a man that does not share those love languages. He is quality time. At the beginning of our marriage we struggled because where he would show me with actions and time, I wanted to hear what he felt from his lips. I craved those words of approval not only about my physical appearance but my work and wifely duties.
This week was a rough one in many ways. As pastors do, I was getting a little discouraged. I didn’t realize that what I was craving was some words to let me know someone saw my hard work and sacrifice. I opened the refrigerator to get the milk and out tumbled a thank you card. From who, from my prince! God had spoken to the priest of my home in his devotional time and he wrote me a beautiful note thanking me for my ministry to our church and the women. It brought tears to my eyes, not only because my husband loved me enough to write out those words, but because God my Father saw that unspoken cry in my heart and answered. What could be more beautiful than him using my husband to affirm me? That is how God works in marriage… he gives us “tips” on everything from what to say, to that little spice needed in the bedroom, if we listen!

God help us to see you as the source of all we need. I pray for all those married people out there struggling to know how to bless their spouses that we would turn and pray to you for guidance. I pray that as we step out and do those things you have called us to that the blessing would flow and the intimacy would grow in our lives.

Thanks for reading,
Celeste

God's Idea

There has been an all out war, a powerful attack waged against marriage today. There are those who want to redefine marriage, weaken marriage and put a new face on what marriage really is, but the main problem with man assuming this position and even thinking these thoughts is the fact that traditional marriage is God's idea. God had a plan when he set forth the family as the first and most powerful institution on the face of the earth. In marriage and in the family relationship we get a glimpse of unity and one accord. We also see in marriage the vivid picture of Christ and His relation to His church. A relationship that can never be broken. Today's society is laced with groups of people with agendas that are contrary to God's idea of what marriage truly is. Because we have a breakdown in the marriage covenant we have a breakdown in the family and ultimately a breakdown in our communities. Being a Black American I see all so clearly the effects of broken marriages and dismantled families and how the effects of the two play out in my community. Just as God has a plan for marriage and family, the devil also has his plan for marriage and family and it can be clearly seen in scripture "The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy." When we observe what's happening in our culture we see the plan of the devil at work and I must say he's doing a great job fulfilling his plan. Now the question is posed to us (the church) what will we do? Will we hold marriage as sacred and holy? Will we acknowledge that marriage and family is God's idea consisting of one man and one woman? Or will we disrespect this great institution through no fault divorce or by not taking a stance against ones who are trying to redefine what marriage is.

This could be the greatest hour of the church. One in which we can clearly draw the line in the sand and hold fast to the ideals an principles set by our Creator God. When the night sky is the darkest that's when you can see the stars most clearly. Now is the time for Christians who believe in what God has established to be ready to go against this worlds definition of right and wrong and be willing to be persecuted and shunned for what we really believe. Lets hold a high view of marriage not because it makes us look righteous in man's sight, but lets hold it high because it is God's idea and He's the standard.

Wil Addison

Be Thankful for Your Spouse

Are you thankful for your spouse? Do they know it? On Thanksgiving this year I made it a point to tell my husband that I was thankful for him. I expected him to just say "Thank you and I am thankful for you too". But of course he didn't! :) He asked me why. So I got to tell him several of the reasons why. I told him because he was thoughtful, considerate, ambitious, cute, smart, and Loving...and many other reasons. He seemed pleased. :) It was an unexpected but nice window for me to tell him things I always think of and appreciate daily about him. I do not always tell him though.

It is important that we verbalize what we think our spouse should already know. We think our spouses should know that we Love them...but we should not stop telling them "I Love you". The same goes for other things... telling our spouse they are attractive, smart, thoughtful, etc. The world is full or negative words, things, images and so on. We should be the positive words in our spouses life. Your spouse should be able to know that whatever you say to them you say out of Love. That is what the Bible says to do right? We are supposed to speak the truth in Love.

Make the effort to speak on your own. If your spouse has to prompt you to tell them they look nice or that they are smart...it is still good to hear but loses some of its affect because it was not a voluntary act.

Today, make the effort to speak positive words into your spouses life. What area of your spouse's life do you think you can help encourage them in? What would you tell your spouse if they asked you why you were thankful for them? Once you figure it out...TELL THEM!

Don't settle BEFORE and AFTER marriage.

When I first had the idea for this post...it was going to be aimed at single people. It was going to be sort of as a word of advice in preparation for marriage. But as I thought about it and what it meant...I thought...surely single people aren't the only ones that shouldn't settle. Married couples shouldn't either.

Just because we get married doesn't mean that things get easier and that we "live happily ever after"... without work! It isn't easy to be two people and live a life as one. That takes work. That is why it is important not to settle while dating and choosing who you marry. Pick someone who isn't afraid of dealing with the truth and working thru it. And for those of us who are married... don't settle for easy in your marriage. It is not easy to tell your spouse that something they did hurt your feelings... it's not easy to tell your spouse that you messed up and you're sorry...it's not easy to (fill in your own words here)...but it IS necessary for a marriage to last! Well, for it to last and be a happy, healthy, and hopeful marriage! It could last but if you avoid the truth and make no effort to grow... I have a hard time thinking that marriage will be healthy.

In marriage...don't settle for boring either. Try to make an effort to be romantic. I am not just talking to the husbands either! A simple note left for them to see before they leave for work could set the course for their whole day! Why not send them a text during the day letting them know you are thinking about them and Love them. That might be just what they need to make it thru the day. Being romantic doesn't have to be extravagant. Being romantic can be realistic too.

What can you do to let your spouse know that you don't want to settle in your marriage?